


Not In That Way

by lovelyday86



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:04:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14593629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyday86/pseuds/lovelyday86
Summary: Jungwoo and Yukhei cross a line and things are never quite the same after that





	Not In That Way

Jungwoo watches from his bed as the door to his room quietly clicks shut. He is alone yet again. It's something he used be used to by now, but maybe time didn't heal all wounds. Sometimes Jungwoo cried, but tonight the tears wouldn’t come. The pain was still there though, an ever present a dull ache in his chest that never quite went away. He sighs. All of this was mostly his fault. He should have never allowed Yukhei into his bed. Yukhei never spent the night after they had sex, not after the first night.

It was raining on their first night together, one of those late summer downpours that made the air muggy and the heat even more unbearable. Yukhei had shown up at his doorstep completely drenched, a case of beer in hand, claiming that he needed to get drunk. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. About once every six months or so Yukhei would show up at Jungwoo’s unannounced after yet another breakup since none of Yukhei’s relationships lasted very long. Yukhei claimed it was because commitment gave him hives, but Jungwoo knew that wasn't true. Yukhei was afraid of abandoned so he left them first, every single of his girlfriends for as long as Jungwoo could remember. Despite his height, Yukhei is a lightweight and it's not long before staying upright starts to become a challenge.

“Come on, Yukhei. Let’s get you to bed,” Jungwoo says as he attempts to drag his giant of a best friend into his bedroom.

“Only if you get in the bed with me,” Yukhei replies with his signature goofy grin.

Jungwoo rolls his eyes while trying to ignore an all too familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach, the fucking butterflies or whatever they were. Yukhei was always a flirt when he was drunk, they’d found this out the hard way in high school when he had tried to kiss the class president’s girlfriend at a party and Jungwoo ended up suffering a black eye for the both of them. Usually Jungwoo could keep himself in check, but he was really struggling to manage his attraction tonight. It had been months since the last time he had hooked up with anyone and to say he was sexually frustrated would be an understatement. Ignoring his traitorous hormones, Jungwoo somehow gets Yukhei undressed and tucks him into bed. He’s about to leave the room when he’s stopped by warm fingers wrapping around his wrist. 

“Stay,“ Yukhei pleads, only one eye open and a small pout on his lips. 

Jungwoo could barely deny Yukhei anything, especially when he looked so soft and sleepy in his bed. He loved to sleep next to Yukhei. They had done so countless times over the years, from sharing a blanket at Yukhei’s grandparents’ house in the summers to Friday nights after cram school to passing out in their shared college apartment after one too many bottles of soju. Jungwoo had come out to his best friend when they were seventeen. Afterwards he was afraid that Yukhei would reject him, not want to sleep next to him anymore, but Yukhei had proved him wrong. That very same night Yukhei had held him in his arms while he cried himself to sleep. The next morning Jungwoo had woken up facing Yukhei, their faces only inches apart. Yukhei’s arms were draped lazily across his body with a leg thrown over his waist. It was in that moment that Jungwoo realized he was in love with Yukhei, that he probably had been for a very long time. 

Jungwoo strips down to his boxers and settles himself into bed. He is drifting off to sleep when he feels fingertips ghost over his lower abdomen. Yukhei had always been a clingy sleeper, so Jungwoo pats his friend’s arm and allows him to snuggle in closer until they are spooning. That’s when he feels it, Yukhei’s erection pressed up firmly against his ass. Jungwoo stills. This had never happened before, not to Yukhei at least. It had happened to Jungwoo many times and he had learned to hide the reaction of his body well. 

“Jungwoo, I’m horny,” Yukhei whines. 

 _Obviously_ Jungwoo thinks as he attempts to put space between them. “Go jerk off then.” 

“Help me,” Yukhei replies and Jungwoo swears there’s a hint of teasing in the other man’s voice.

“Whatever, asshole. Go to sleep. Babysitting you is exhausting.” 

“I know you’re horny too,” Yukhei whispers, playing with the waistband of Jungwoo’s boxers. “I can tell, you know. You can’t hide anything from me, Kim Jungwoo .”

Despite the stupid, stupid semi in his sweatpants, Jungwoo rolls his eyes. He had been hiding his feelings for Yukhei for years. Can’t hide anything, my ass. Jungwoo rolls over so he and Yukhei are facing each other. “So?”

“So, let’s help each other.” 

“Fuck off, Yukhei.” Before Yukhei can form a reply Jungwoo has grabbed a pillow off the bed and walked out of the room.

His couch isn’t the most comfortable, but at least out here Jungwoo can breathe. At least out here he isn’t surrounded by Yukhei’s warmth, his smell. He waits a few minutes for Yukhei to come hobbling out the door and he sighs audibly in relief when nothing happens. Jungwoo falls asleep with the pillow cuddled to his chest.

Its a few hours later when something disturbs Jungwoo’s sleep, feather light touches on the inside of his thigh that tickle. He mumbles something incoherent, the words turning into a soft moan when he feels pressure against his clothed cock. He manages to crack his eyes open and they instantly widen even more when he sees Yukhei kneeling on the floor rubbing him over his boxers.

“Yukhei… Yukhei you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing. Yukhei, oh my god,” Jungwoo moans as Yukhei slides his hand inside his boxers.

“I think I know exactly what I’m doing,” Yukhei murmurs. Jungwoo wants to argue. He wants to tell his best friend to stop, that none of this made any sense, but fuck was Yukhei making things difficult. How many times had Jungwoo hoped for this? How many times had he pleasured himself to thought of Yukhei touching him just like this? And now it was actually happening. 

“Stop thinking, stop thinking,” Yukhei whispers. “I’m not drunk. I swear, I swear.” Jungwoo leans forward and crashes their lips together. 

Instead of alcohol Yukhei tastes like toothpaste. The fact that Yukhei had the presence of mind to brush his teeth before kissing him allows for the last shred of doubt to leave Jungwoo’s mind. Yukhei knew what he was doing. Jungwoo kisses Yukhei until his mouth opens and groans as Yukhei maps the inside of this mouth with his tongue. When they both come up for air Jungwoo lock eyes with Yukhei, his gaze travelling down Yukhei's chest to the bulge in his boxers. 

"Can I?" Yukhei nods, letting Jungwoo undress him. After they're both naked Jungwoo hovers over him and kisses him again, more slowly this time. Jungwoo starts with his lips, moving down Yukhei’s jaw line, to his neck, and down his chest. Yukhei knew where this was heading and the anticipation was killing him. He wasn’t sure why all of this was happening, why he had even initiated it in the first place, but it felt so good that he didn’t care. Jungwoo ’s lips had reached their destination and without warning, he lick Yukhei’s cock from base to tip. Yukhei shudders at the sudden sensation, moaning out loud as Jungwoo kitten licks the tip. Jungwoo continues his ministrations, every sound Yukhei makes encouraging.

“Fuck. Stop, Jungwoo. Stop. I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”

“Isn’t that kind of the point?” Jungwoo asks, keeping a hand wrapped around Yukhei’s cock, jerking him with a loose grip.

“It is,” Yukhei replies. “But I want to come inside of you.” 

Jungwoo pauses. He knew they were messing around, but sex? Actual penetrative sex? Did Yukhei even know how gay sex worked? 

“I know what I’m doing, Jungwoo. I’m not an idiot,” Yukhei says as if reading Jungwoo’s mind. “Trust me.” And Jungwoo did. He trusted Yukhei more than anyone else in his life. Yukhei pulls Jungwoo up his body, bringing their lips together again before flipping their positions. He lowers his hips so their erections are aligned, sliding against each other because of bot their precome. Yukhei knows he won't last much longer at this rate so he climbs off of Jungwoo, dragging him back to the bedroom. Jungwoo positions himself in the middle of the bed, watching curiously as Yukhei opens the drawer of the nightstand to get lube and a condom.

“You knew that was there?” Jungwoo asks, surprised. It was Yukhei’s turn to roll his eyes as he situates himself between Jungwoo's legs. 

“I told you, you can’t hide anything from me.” Before Jungwoo make a witty comeback, Yukhei pushes one lubed finger inside of him. 

“Ahhh…” Jungwoo moans at the sudden intrusion. 

“Sorry, Sorry," Yukhei apologizes. "Does it hurt?”

“A little, but I can take it.” Yukhei's eyebrows are furrowed in just the right way and Jungwoo knows he needs to be reassured. "I'm fine. Just go slow."

Yukhei takes his time. He stretches Jungwoo to three fingers before he loses patience.

“Fuck, Yukhei. I need you. I need you inside of me. Now.” Jungwoo couldn't hear the needy tone of his own voice, but it wasn't lost to Yukhei, his fingers shaking as he rolls the condom onto himself. He presses the tip of his cock to Jungwoo's entrance, tries not to fall to pieces when Jungwoo makes a tiny whining sound just from that.

“Is it too much?”

“No. More. Give me more.” Yukhei obliges by sliding in until their hips are pressed flush against each other.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. You feel so good,” Yukhei moans while thrusting into Jungwoo in long strokes. Jungwoo is going to lose his fucking mind. He lays there, eyes shut in pleasure before a particular hard thrust makes his back slide up the bed.

"Fuck yes. Just like that." With every few thrusts the head of Yukhei's cock is rubbing his prostate, and Jungwoo just needs to come. “Yukhei," Jungwoo groans. "Yukhei please touch me.” 

“Fuck," Yukhei rasps, practically overwhelmed by the way Jungwoo looked underneath him and just the situation in general. "Do you hear yourself? Fuck, you are so sexy. You want me to make you come?” Jungwoo doesn't feel like talking. His desperation had taken away all coherent thought and he just moans in response. “You're driving me crazy.”

“Yukhei, I want to come. Make me come.” Jungwoo gasps when Yukhei wraps a hand around hic cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. It happens almost simultaneously Jungwoo spilling into Yukhei's hand as Yukhei comes deep inside of him. The room is silent except for the sounds of their heavy breathing, both of them coming down from their high. Jungwoo has never been more spent in his entire life. Sexed out would be an understatement and he barely moves as Yukhei cleans them up as best he can. Jungwoo's eyes are closing as Yukhei pulls the blanket over their still naked forms. “Goodnight, Jungwoo” are the last words he hears before drifting off into a deep sleep. 

Light filters in from his bedroom window, causing Jungwoo to stir and instinctively reach for the body that should be next to him. When his hands meet nothing but empty sheets he realizes he's alone. Sitting up abruptly Jungwoo feels his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

“Yukhei?” he timidly calls out. “Yukhei, are you still here?” Jungwoo pulls on some sweatpants and walks out of his room to find a fresh pot of coffee in his empty kitchen. It's still warm so he knows Yukhei couldn't have left that long ago. Cursing his habit of being a heavy sleeper, he goes back to the bedroom to grab his phone. No texts from Yukhei. “Why would he just leave like that?” Jungwoo wonders out loud, the knot in his stomach growing with every passing minute. They had gone too far. Jungwoo knows it now.His best friend had walked out on him because of what they had done, he had lost him.

Jungwoo spends the rest of the day alternately feeling like he's going to throw up or burst into tears. His body wouldn’t allow him to do either. He fights the urge to contact Yukhei, afraid of saying the wrong thing or making it all worse. He thinks back to the night when he had come out to his Yukhei. It was right around the beginning of middle school that Jungwoo realized he wasn’t attracted to girls and that it made him different. Different from the other boys at school, but mostly different from Yukhei. Coming out to Yukhei had become a happy memory to Jungwoo. Yukhei remained quiet at first and Jungwoo swore his heart had stopped. Then the corners of Yukhei’s lips had turned up into a smile and he said, “I know. I’ve told you a million times that you can’t hide anything from me, Kim Jungwoo.” On the other hand Jungwoo still remembers the fear when he uttered the words, “I’m gay” out loud to Yukhei; it wasn’t dissimilar to the way he felt now. What did that mean?

It's late afternoon. Jungwoo hasn't eaten a thing, is curled into a ball on the couch while staring at the ceiling. He startles when he hears the familiar notification sound, alerting him that Yukhei had sent a text. 

[Come over for dinner?]

 

Jungwoo sits on Yukhei’s couch, it's nicer than his own, pretending to watch whatever movie was playing on the TV. Apparently he had somehow made it through dinner and now Yukhei was in the kitchen getting dessert. He had bought Jungwoo ’s favorite ice cream, mint chocolate chip, even though he didn’t like neither mint nor chocolate. Jungwoo keeps his unfocused gaze on the TV screen, his mind going back to the conversation he had with Yukhei just an hour earlier. He couldn’t remember everything that was said, but bits and pieces were coming back to him, every word remembered more painful than the last.

_Jungwoo, I’m sorry._

_Jungwoo, we can't._

_Jungwoo, you’re my best friend and I love you._

_Jungwoo, I love you, but not in that way._

He really wanted to cry. He wanted to weep and drown himself in a puddle of his own tears, but Jungwoo held it in. He knew it would be this way, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. He hadn’t realized how much the events of last night had made him hope for something more and he was a fool for it. 

_Of course, Yukhei. Of course I understand._

He jumps, startled, when the source of his aching heart plops down next to him, ice cream in hand. “Bought your favorite ice cream, Jungwoo ,” Yukhei says with a grin that immediately falls when he sees the look on Jungwoo’s face. It scared him that he couldn’t place the expression. Usually Jungwoo was an open book, at least to him. He often knew what Jungwoo was feeling before he even said it.

“Hyungie, look at me,” Yukhei says, voice soft. Jungwoo’s head snaps up at the old nickname, an honorific that Yukhei hadn’t used in a very long time. The sadness in Yukhei's eyes is more unbearable than Jungwoo's own, but before Jungwoo could assure him that he was fine, Yukhei is pressing their lips together.

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei murmurs into Jungwoo's mouth. “I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry.” 

Jungwoo knows that this is a bad idea, knows that he would regret this later, and yet he still decides to break his own heart. Yukhei pulls him into the bedroom. Jungwoo lays down on the bed and allows Yukhei to undress them both. He remains silent not wanting to ruin the moment by doing or saying the wrong thing. Yukhei climbs into bed, leans down while Jungwoo meets him halfway until their lips are touching. Yukhei kisses apologies onto Jungwoo’s body, against his temple and in the dip between his collarbones. Jungwoo remains pliant, gripping the sheets as Yukhei stretches him open with his fingers, his breath hitching whenever Yukhei's fingertips graze his prostate. No words are exchanged between the two men; there is no friendly banter, or exclamations of pleasure. This time is different. It's slower, gentler, and if they were both honest with themselves, a little sad. Jungwoo arches his back prettily when Yukhei finally slides inside of him, moaning at the feeling of being full. Yukhei waits, completely still, reaching down to cup his best friend’s cheek. Jungwoo’s eyes flutter open and only then does Yukhei begin to move. Yukhei’s slow, steady thrusts are so good, the only thing keeping Jungwoo's mind quiet, filling it with pleasant white noise. He wants to shut his eyes at the sensation, but the way Yukhei is looking down at him, eyes filled with so many words unsaid, makes it impossible for him to look away. Yukhei speeds up his thrusts, his grip tight on Jungwoo's hips. From Jungwoo's breathless moans Yukhei knows he's close so he wraps his hand around his cock and strokes fast. Jungwoo's orgasm hits him hard, the pleasure only that much more intense by the fact that he was staring into Yukhei’s eyes when he came. Yukhei follows him soon after, Jungwoo stroking his hair as he catched his breath. Just like the previous night, Yukhei cleans the both of them up, but unlike the previous night he tucks Jungwoo into the bed alone.

“Goodnight, hyungie” he whispers as we walks out of the room and shuts the door.

 

Yukhei thought their second night together would be their last. He was wrong. There were many nights after that. He could never bring himself to stay with Jungwoo afterwards because the guilt was overwhelming. He felt guilty about what they were doing, guilty that he liked it so much, guilty that he couldn't trust Jungwoo enough to stay. Almost every night after he left Yukhei would stand right outside the door and just listen. Sometimes he could hear Jungwoo get up and move around, sometimes his heart would break as he heard his best friend cry, but what scared him the most were the nights when he heard nothing. Tonight was one of those nights. He presses his ear to the door hoping to hear any sort of the movement from the bedroom. There's nothing.

Yukhei contemplates going back inside for the millionth time. He could ask Jungwoo if he was okay, but he already knows the answer to that question. Jungwoo isn’t okay and neither is he. This isn't all he wants to be to Jungwoo. He wants more, so much more than he thinks he deserves so against his better judgement and all the demons screaming inside his head Yukhei opens the door.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovelyday_86)   
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lovelyday86)


End file.
